Wondering how to even start dating? Dating is hard for everyone. This guide makes it easier for you to you learn how to meet people and start conversations.

Navigating the singles’ scene is not easy for anyone, whether or not you are on the autism spectrum. Nevertheless, autistic adults may need to hurdle far more obstacles than their neurotypical peers to thrive in a world of dating. Some autistic adults go through their entire adult life without having much interest in romance or dating, while others are very interested and actively pursue romantic relationships. If you are interested, this article contains some tips on getting started. If you are a parent or a friend of an autistic adult, your job is to make sure that the person knows that you are open and available for support.

Where to meet people? Some people (including neurotypical people) say that meeting people is the hardest part of dating. Singles often go to bars to meet each other, but in reality, very few couples actually meet at a bar “singles scene.” If you are autistic, going up to someone new in a bar and striking up a conversation may seem particularly difficult or ineffective. Rest assured, there are many other ways to meet someone.

The best place to start is to look at what you do each day. Where do you go? How do you get there? Take the time to really notice the people you encounter on public transportation and at your favorite places to visit. Be careful of your workplace, however, as romantic relationships at work are often discouraged, and sometimes even forbidden. One reason for this is that it can create an awkward work environment if one person is not romantically interested in the other or if the relationship doesn’t work out for another reason.

Don’t despair if you don’t see any dating prospects while on your everyday routines. However, you may need to get out of your comfort zone in order to meet someone new. Online dating and joining a new social group may be better options for you.

Online dating websites can make it easier to get familiar with a person before meeting them. Information about another person’s likes and dislikes are available so that you can plan ahead for what to do with that person or what to talk about. Although there are some great benefits to online dating websites, always practice caution and safety when planning to meet someone in person. While it is reasonable to assume that most people who post a profile on a dating website are there to meet someone to date, not all people are interested in a committed relationship, and unfortunately, sometimes people use these websites for deceptive purposes (for example, sexual predators, financial scams). Be sure you are on a trusted website and look at it with a friend, family member, or support person. A second set of eyes if very helpful in knowing where a site is legit and safe.

If meeting someone one-on-one seems like a big first step, participation in a social group or club activities is a great way to meet people with similar interests. Group activities are often less stressful than one-on-one situations because the focus is on the activity, not on making small talk. Social groups also provide the opportunity to observe typical socialization among others. MeetUp.com offers many options of social groups centered around activities and hobbies and is a way to meet people with common interests. You might also consider looking into events at a local museum or restaurant. Depending on your interests, you might find something right for you (Quizzo, karaoke, sports trivia, for example).

Will you go out with me? There is more to asking someone out on a date than finding a person and asking them to go out with you. In particular, before asking someone on a date, it is a good idea to try to figure out if they have any interest in going on a date with you. It is also a good idea to think about good activities to do on the date – ones that both you and your potential date will enjoy.

Body language is an important way to judge interest, whether it is through eye contact, body orientation, or a touch on the shoulder. It is just as important to be able to detect disinterest as it is to sense interest, but picking up on a sarcastic tone of voice or avoidance is often challenging. Similarly it is important that you know how to appropriately show your interest in someone. You can use the cues for detecting interest to show interest as well. It is really important to understand what is and is not appropriate. For example, if it is difficult to distinguish between making a harmless, flirty joke and making a hurtful or offensive joke, try another strategy to show interest, like asking about things the person is interested in or even volunteering to help the person with a project.

Watching television shows flooded with romantic relationships can be a great educational tool. Movies that include romantic relationships will also work. Watch these with a trusted friend or family member so that you can discuss what is happening and make sure you are interpreting the all the cues. However, whether it is The Bachelor or The Notebook, make sure you understand that much of what is depicted is likely not an accurate depiction of dating in the real world. In addition to behavior, appearances count! It is important to pay attention to personal hygiene, for example, remembering to shower and wearing deodorant and clean clothes every day.

Once you find someone that you enjoy spending time with and are attracted to, there is only so much that you can learn from body language and verbal cues. To test whether the feelings are mutual, you will eventually have to ask your special someone on a date. This isn’t easy for anyone, whether they are autistic or not! Take a deep breath and try to relax. Confidence is key, so remember that everyone is special and has unique qualities that others will find attractive.

Consider role-playing with a friend or family member. If you are not comfortable with asking someone out in person, know that there are alternatives, such as e-mail, instant messaging, texting, or writing an old-fashioned note. In the age of electronic communication, it becomes even more important that you assess interest and character before sending an electronic message, however. Emails and text messages are easily mass-disseminated, which can cause embarrassment when sent or forwarded to unintended recipients.

When choosing what to do for a date, don’t forget to consider what the other person is interested in. Pick something that you both will have fun doing. Traditional activities might include going out to dinner, to the movies, or to a concert. But make sure whatever you choose works for you. For example, if you have sensitivity to loud noises or crowded places, a typical concert venue might not be the best choice. If you both really like live music, maybe a coffee house with an acoustic guitar is a better option. For a first date, you may want to keep it short or at least have a defined time for it. This helps reduce the anxiety over when it is time to end the date.

From an article on Car Autism Road Map website